December 2011
1 post
Never give to charities that telemarket.
OK, non-profits and charities that telemarket for funds, especially during the holiday season:You suck. You’re not getting any money from me. Stop calling. Put me on the do-not-call list. And oh! How I DON’T love hearing you smugly tell me that because you’re a non-profit, you’re exempt from DO NOT CALL. QUESTION: How do you know that the people you’re randomly...
November 2011
1 post
Time doesn't change. How could it?
My family is comprised of many independent, artistic sorts. One of us will move the clock backward, won’t tell anybody, and then someone else will, too.Then, some other artist in the residence thinks it’s “fall backward in the spring and spring forward in the fall”, so he’ll set it forward an hour without telling anyone. As a result, none of us are ever sure what time...
September 2011
2 posts
Facebook Changes: A Major Win
Like many, I logged into Facebook this morning to a wall of whining. Facebook made major design changes. Most of my friends don’t like it. They are very vocal about their displeasure. They are whining about the changes. Ironically, they are whining about how much they don’t like Facebook…on Facebook.They seem to have forgotten that they are not Facebook’s customers. They...
What's up with all the non-responsive answers...
I’ve noticed an epidemic of what lawyers call “the non-responsive answer” lately. Except instead of the courtroom, I see the non-responsive answer in too many business situations that require an immediate answer. What’s a non-responsive answer? It’s when you ask a direct question, but receive an answer to a question you didn’t ask. Q: “Do you sell Brand...
August 2011
2 posts
What's a real name, anyway?
“Give me your first name. We’ll call it when your lunch is ready,” demanded the woman behind the counter. She had just taken my order for a chicken sandwich and tea. “Laura,” I replied. “Spell it,” she barked.“Spell it any way you please,” I said. She looked up from her pad of paper and frowned. “I need to know how to spell it...
2 tags
How to use Facebook to disprove the myth of common...
For over 27 years, I have railed against the condescending phrase “common sense”. There is no sense that is common to all humans. When authority figures urge us to rely on something that doesn’t exist, I feel exasperated. Relying on a fantasy as the basis for real-world decision making isn’t helpful or instructive. It often leads to wildly different actions from person to person. A...
July 2011
1 post
Farting or Wearing Perfume...which is more...
Last month, I met a woman who made me gag. Professionally dressed and immaculately coifed, I could smell her expensive perfume from across the room. Close up, she was appalling to be near. Her smell was overpowering. Cloying. Nauseating. I backed out of our conversation as fast as I could. I also met another woman last month. We shook hands. Then, improbably — she farted.The look on her...
June 2011
3 posts
Chocolate Email Forwards from Elderly Relatives
This morning, I received a lengthy email forward from an elderly relative. I usually ignore these emails. It’s not worth the scroll-down hassle to find out all the unlikely ways I’m going to be victimized or to look at a picture of an albino moose playing with a kitten. But this morning, I was in a mood. The subject line of the email forward, after all, had the words “chocolate...
Who's going to build a hitchhiking app?
Gasoline is expensive. Public transportation services are sketchy. Hitchhiking is illegal. On the other hand: Carpooling is legal. Ride sharing is responsible. Social media channels connect people. Why not connect with people who are headed where you’re going? Why not let social media hook hikers up with drivers — and drivers up with hikers? Think of FourSquare meets Yelp, but for...
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How women might use Foursquare...
Yeah, so maybe I’ll check into a location on Foursquare every couple of months or so. Usually at a public or charitable event, where at least a couple dozen other people have checked in. Otherwise, I’m not too keen on letting people know where I am with pinpoint accuracy. It’s a safety thing. I’m also not too motivated to earn badges. I kinda got over collecting badges on my sash when i was...
May 2011
3 posts
Freaking Amazing Cherry Pecan Quinoa Salad Recipe
Years ago, I went to a potluck and tasted the most amazing salad that I have ever put into my mouth. So incredibly delish, I pestered Nancy Krane for the recipe. She graciously faxed me her recipe, and I have been enjoying her salad ever since. But it’s not just me. In turn, my own friends have asked me for the recipe. I have come to learn that this fantastic salad is being enjoyed all over...
Why do people fall for the "Who's Looking At You"...
News flash about those Facebook wall posts that read “Find out who’s looking at your profile”:They’re all spam. The links usually contain nasties like viruses or worms that can wreak havoc. Yet people fall for this scam over and over again. But why? Who’s looking at you? Photo credit: Jennie-O Whenever I get those “find out who has been looking at your...
How might you use Google Voice in a crisis?
We used Google Voice as the sole number on a crisis response project this month. We took all possible phone numbers that might get a call and directed them go to one number: the Google Voice number. This insured that one trained team answered all the calls. With no transferring or hold time, using Google Voice insured swift and coordinated responses. And because these automatically-logged calls...
April 2011
3 posts
Converting Your Facebook Profile to a Page: Use...
My most common question of the month? “Hey, I set up a Facebook profile for my biz & it turns out it’s supposed to be a page. Now what?” You’ll want to convert that profile to a page, pronto. It’s a violation of Facebook Terms of Service, and they’ve been known to shut down these kinds of outlaw profiles!Beyond it being merely illegal, you’ll see a...
Ballsy April Fool's Day Presentation...
The speaker said,“I have one thing to say.” Then he stood quietly, while the audience looked at him. It took most of us over a minute to get the joke. When we started laughing, the speaker just smiled and nodded. You have to possess remarkable confidence to pull that off well. Wish I had a video of it… Posted via email from Laura Bergells is...
Ballsy April Fool's Day Presentation...
The speaker said,“I have one thing to say.” Then he stood quietly, while the audience looked at him. It took most of us over a minute to get the joke. When we started laughing, the speaker just smiled and nodded. You have to possess remarkable confidence to pull that off well. Wish I had a video of it… Posted via email from Laura Bergells is...
March 2011
4 posts
An elegant social media presentation...with a...
I’m so tickled that I get to work with clients who appreciate understated elegance. Very understated. I’m now re-writing/designing my presentation “Using Tweets to put butts in seats”. Version 2 promises to be even cheekier. Also working on clarifying a few technical points: It’s pronounced #hashtag Not #asstag (props to @stellafly) Clients & chums routinely...
Top 3 Weirdest LinkedIn Profiles Ever
So LinkedIn announces today that it FINALLY reached 100 million users. Bully for them. With 100 million profiles, there are bound to be some doozies. In fact, I suspect that a few million ‘users’ aren’t taking their LinkedIn profiles that seriously. My favorite LinkedIn profile from the past was the magical RoryB, who regaled us with his prison exploits on LinkedIn. “You...
All online, all the time. There is no 'offline'...
I seldom go to malls. I sometimes shop the big anchor stores in the mall, but actually walk through one? Not so much. However, the Secretary of State branch office nearest my home is in a mall. I went there with my mother to renew her license plate tabs today. We walked through the mall to get to the branch office. As we did, we passed a tiny shop filled with shiny, bright-colored women’s...
Another reason to take training seriously...
I forgot to sign the back of my new credit card. Before making a purchase, the cashier looked at the back of my card and told me she couldn’t accept it because it wasn’t signed. So, I signed the card as she watched. She then ran my freshly-signed card through a machine and printed a receipt. She asked me to sign the receipt. I did so — once again, right in front of her....
February 2011
1 post
You can quote me on Twitter... at your own risk.
Last week, a fictional character I play on Twitter, Maniactive, was quoted in an article at a local news site. I have zero problem with what I tweeted. None. I’d tweet it again. You can put my tweet on a bill board on Times Square for all I care. (If you did, you’d be nuts. What I tweeted was patently uninteresting, as was the article itself, which consisted mostly of scraped tweets.) The only...
January 2011
3 posts
Tune it, turn on, drop out: Facebook burnout is...
“… The bald girl is saying this used to be a good place to come before the assholes discovered it. You don’t want to be talking to this bald girl, or even listening to her, which is all you are doing, but just now you do not want to test the powers of speech or locomotion. How did you get here?” -Jay McInerney, Bright Lights, Big City. 1984, Vintage Books These sentences are...
Breathless, offline whispers are a part of social...
If you think the information you share offline is more secure than the information you share online, think again. Most of what happens in social media occurs offline. Breathless whispers are currency. It seems I have unwittingly drafted an army of confidential informants. These folks know who is doing what to whom, and how many times a week. They know all the stuff people say about other people...
Social Media: Short- or Long-Term Focus?
This week, I chatted with a man whose organization hired a team of social media strategists. They didn’t get the results he wanted, which made him wonder if social media was all hype. As I heard his story, a clearer picture started to emerge. Although he didn’t tell me who he hired, I suspect he hired a firm that deployed a short-term approach. His word choice started to give it all...
December 2010
8 posts
Which Community Will Lead the Charge Against...
Thanks, online community — for all the emails, calls, Tweets, and Facebook re-posts about yesterday’s post on the atrocity that is Walmart’s dreadful social media campaign to ‘end hunger’. Earlier, I was having a little trouble keeping up with the pace of communications about this piece — mostly supportive. Thanks, again. On to the negative: some people wrote to...
Walmart's Hunger Campaign Should Shock our Social...
Walmart has a bad reputation when it comes to social responsibility. It is repeatedly accused of sucking the souls out of communities, artificially lowering wages, killing small businesses, treating employees inhumanely — Walmart’s list of abuses goes on and on, and are thoroughly discussed elsewhere, both online and off. This holiday season, Walmart keeps its nefarious reputation...
Why do you chew gum?
The gum-chewing student and the cud-chewing cow look quite alikebut they’re different, somehow And what is the difference? I see it all now… it’s the intelligent lookon the face of the cow. -author unknown Photo Credit: JelleS In grade school, if you were caught chewing gum — you had to recite that little poem in front of class. The teacher also...
Why is Facebook so popular?
Facebook is very popular. Duh. Go to their media page today, and you’ll see Facebook has over 500 million users. Since that’s a lot of eyeballs, it’s a good idea for businesses and organizations to take Facebook seriously. It’s Marketing 101: go where your audience is. Understand how they behave on this growing communication platform.But other than “you need to be...
Hey! Who's the Idea Bitch now?
Ah, casual Friday. A good day to slip on my Idea Pitch t-shirt, a fine bit o’ swag I scored over a year ago for judging the 2009 CEO Idea Pitch competition at GVSU. Funny morning, though. A colleague misread Idea Pitch, and called me “Idea Bitch”. This new nickname has proved to be surprisingly sticky. As far as nicknames go, I’ve had worse. This one made me laugh. ...
How to play "Answer That Email!"
Twitter is mercifully brief. If you can’t express yourself well in under 140 characters, you lose. It’s something of a game, y’see. I’ve extended Twitter’s culture of brevity to most of my other missives — email, in particular. Keep it brief, keep it real. And in the spirit of keeping it fun, I add a level of gaming to some of my email correspondence. For...
What the poke, FaceBook?
Facebook is rolling out “New Facebook Profile” this week. It’s actually no big whoop. The new profile layout rates a shrug and an eye roll. However, I immediately noted that the ever-weird, irritatingly vague, and totally worthless “Poke” button is still featured on the top right of the new profile page. Because I was in a weird, vague, and totally worthless mood, I...
Are you too stupid to Tweet?
Last night, I dreamed that Twitter rolled out a new level of service. You could still post for free — but you had to correctly answer 3 random questions within a minute. Questions covered the basic game show range: math, geography, world leaders, current events, history, literature, etc. If you couldn’t answer three basic knowledge or competence questions, you couldn”t tweet for...
October 2010
2 posts
Social media issue: how to deal with stinky...
Two of us are eating lunch at a local restaurant today. In walks a small group of nicely dressed middle-aged ladies. They are seated at the table next to us. Within seconds, I tell the waitress we need to move to another table. The ladies are wearing so much perfume, I cannot taste my lunch. The smell is so heady and thick, it activates my gag reflex. This is not a great play when I’m in...
Why everyone loves talking about these astonishing...
Surely, you’ve heard about the incredible corduroy pillows.After all, they’re making headlines. (It’s a horrible pun. Think about it.) Yeah. Head. Lines. Get it? Truly awful.The too-clever headline approach: this is but one reason I’ll be teaching business headline writing for social media this fall. Strong headlines are essential for generating attention and interest. A...
September 2010
3 posts
NICE is an acronym for...
Imagine a conversation:“What do you think about that agency?” “They’re nice people. They do nice work.” Nice. It’s just one of those code words that falls under the clichéd category of “damning with faint praise.” Contrast that conversation with this: “What do you think about that agency?” “Amazingly fun bunch. Edgy, daring,...
Unboxing: Klout's Lone Star Fox Box
The Klout box from Fox came during lunch today. Here’s the unboxing video — 5 whole minutes! Longest unboxing ever! Big Fox Box! That is to say, the Klout people are running an entertaining social media promotion in association with Fox network. I received an email from Klout a few days ago. Here are the first few sentences: We hear rumors that Lone Star, a provocative new drama about...
Social Media and The Danger of Intensely...
Social media has become an extraordinarily popular buzzword in the past few years. Never mind that people have been using the internet to communicate publicly and forge relationships with each other for decades – the concept has now achieved critical mass. Dilettantes have discovered the internet, labeled it “social media” and have pronounced it “cool”. The problem with being pronounced “cool”...
August 2010
1 post
Man or Machine: Twitter or Google? Who will win?
Ah, the Legend of John Henry — he’s the fella who went up against a steam engine — and won!And who remembers the Desk Set with Tracy & Hepburn — a reference librarian goes up against a computer — and wins! In 2000, I vaguely recall people fretting: should Google replace DMOZ, the open directory project? After all, Google’s PageRank is formula-driven. You...
July 2010
4 posts
What was your first Tweet ever?
Tomorrow, I’ll be celebrating my 3-year Twitterversary. To mark the occasion, I’m posting my first Tweet ever. (By the way, I’m still wondering if participating at Twitter makes one a twit…) What was your first Tweet ever? Posted via email from Laura Bergells is Maniactive | Comment »
Chihuly: A New Eden in Grand Rapids
We keep going back to Meijer Gardens this summer. One reason: Chihuly: A New Eden. There’s much more to see, but…here are a few snaps, anyway. Enjoy. See the full gallery on posterous Posted via email from Laura Bergells is Maniactive | Comment »
Grooming daVinci's Horse...
A number of years back, I remember reading a review in the New York Times. The reporter seemed genuinely puzzled that a replica of daVinci’s horse would be on permanent display in the unlikely locale of Grand Rapids, Michigan. The reporter fretted that the statue would be unappreciated in a remote Midwest city whose only major concert venue doubled as a hockey arena.It was one of those...
Happy Independence Day, Gitmo Girl...
Believe it or not, I never text and drive. The safety and well-being of others trumps the sheer vanity of my typing “LOL” in response to an inane and entirely forgettable Twitter quip… especially while I’m navigating the mean streets of the Midwest. And I certainly don’t drive and take pictures with a camera-phone! I was a passenger when I snapped this photo. We were...
April 2010
1 post
I think. I feel. I believe. I tweet...
Reading posts on Twitter, I am often struck by how many times people write: I think… I feel… I believe… These phrases seem redundant. After all, it’s a Twitter post. The Tweet expresses the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of the Tweeter. You only have 140 characters. Why use the extra words?(Unless it’s a Sarbanes-Oxley, forward-looking statements kind of thing....
February 2010
3 posts
When the Google Voice Transcript Monkey Goes...
This summer, I was astounded at how quickly I fell in love with Google Voice. I love it, I love it, I love it! I love how it tracks my outbound / inbound calls. I love how I can have one number follow me anywhere I go. I love the push-button recording of calls. I love the free-anywhere-in-the-US feature. And perhaps most of all, I love the voicemail transcripts that go directly to my inbox!...
How YouTube Embarrassed Me, Yet Improved My...
Hey YouTube community: time out for a big THANK YOU!To all of you who have watched, listened, posted, commented, rated, and wrote — thank you so much for your support. To date, one my videos cracked the half-million mark on viewership. It stands with over 1,000 comments — and a 5-star rating with 999 people rating it. Here’s the back story: In August 2007, I took time out to post...
Social Media Response Slide
You can download the Social Media Response Slide at SlideShare. I mentioned in December that this was my most requested Social Media Related PowerPoint Slide of 2009. Seems that people want to download the actual slide, and not just the graphic. Hope it helps! Posted via email from Laura Bergells is Maniactive | Comment »
January 2010
1 post
What's your OFFLINE social networking horror...
I met a guy at a social gathering. He looked like the personification of Howdy-Doody. A smallish fellow, he wore a constrictive conservative suit, and sported a painted-on, false grin. He marched right over to me, introduced himself, and handed me a card. Before I could say anything, the man told me he was a very successful doctor. He routinely performed Botox on himself. “That explains the...
December 2009
4 posts
How to Spot Old People on FaceBook
It’s fun to re-connect with some of my old friends on FaceBook. I like how they put up profile pictures of themselves — from 25 years ago. ”Geez, man. You look great,” I say. “Haven’t changed a bit!” ”Yeah, well. My first wife took that picture of me on our honeymoon. In 1985…”Or in another case, ”Oh, that’s not...
Why Doesn't Twitter Recognize Santa?
I thought I’d visit @Santa on Twitter today. I wanted to see if I was on his “Nice” or “Naughty” Twitter list.Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that the Santa account had been suspended — for months — due to strange activity. But “strange activity” is Santa’s bag. Flying around once a year with reindeer, snaking down chimneys, hanging...
My Most Requested Social Media Slide of 2009
Over the past year, I’ve chatted about social media with quite a few people. In presentations, seminars, and training sessions, I often make reference to the Air Force Blog Assessment Flow Chart. This chart is a valuable, at-a-glance image of how the Air Force responds to blog posts. You can see it and download it for yourself at Flickr. I also find the Air Force flow chart to be a...